A couple of weeks ago I saw an excellent segment on “Good Morning America” where they talked about our emotional bank accounts. The segment was about the state of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s marriage, but is relevant to every busy parent. You know the feeling — you are drained and feel like you can’t take one more thing being thrown at you.
Nothing Left To Give
As a mom with a newborn and a pre-schooler, there are days when I have nothing left to give. I put my hands up to say, “I’m done,” hand the baby to my husband and go take a shower. I should go sit on the porch with a glass of Chianti, but I still need to multi-task (maybe next time I’ll take the wine into the shower with me). In the shower, I can relax, it’s peaceful to listen to the sound of the water. I dim the lights and put on a candle or some insence. Total sensory immersion going on here. It’s my quiet time. My time to regroup, to relax and get ready for whatever comes next.
I think that any parent will tell you that if you don’t make what I call deposits in our own emotional bank account, you have nothing to draw down on,” said “Good Morning America” parenting contributor Anne Pleshette Murphy.”
Make Time For Mom
We all need to take the time to put chips into our account. Some moms do this with mom’s nights out. Others by watching TV or doing a hobby, but life too often gets in the way and we don’t take care of ourselves. We skip mom’s night out because we don’t want to be away from the children that we have missed all day because we were at work, or we skip the overnight trip with the girls because we think Dad can’t survive a weekend alone with the kids. We cancel the pedicure appointment out of guilt for spending money on ourselves because your son needs to take karate this summer.
All very real scenarios, and there are a hundred others that we tell ourselves. But, we need to find something do to that reinstates our energy and emotional well being so that we always have enough credits in our emotional bank to give something without going into deficit.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this! As a new mother, I am totally feeling these things!
Amen Sistah!!! And thank God that there are other mothers who we can empathize with about this — so true, so true! No matter what the age; there is never enough to go around. But if you don’t start taking time for yourself when they are young, your kids will think you don’t deserve that option. I always remember what your mom said:
“Make sure they know who YOU are”..and that means establishing yourself as an individual as well as wife and mother.
RE: “or we skip the overnight trip with the girls because we think Dad can’t survive a weekend alone with the kids…”
Does this mean you are up for an Atlanta 3??????
Or Savannah 1…….I’m in!
I have a preschooler and a 10-month-old in the throes of separation anxiety. Poor little guy screams non-stop if I’m not in visual range. So I am totally struggling with my own emotional bank account. I keep telling myself things will get better as he gets older, but that can’t come quickly enough.
In the meantime I put the baby in a carrier and take my preschooler on a nature walk. It’s not exactly me time, but at least we’re all outdoors and enjoying ourselves. Sometimes a little change in the day is almost as good as a rest.
I completely agree! I think I’ve blogged about this myself. Every mom needs time to just “be.” For me, I enjoy turing on my iPod and going out for a nice run (although it’s not so fun this time of year). I also have a mom’s night out every other Thursday. These two things really keep me charged for mommy time. I can’t imagine how tough it is w/ two (although I hope I will know that from personal experience soon). Sounds like your head and heart are in the right place and you’ll get into a nice groove soon, just like you did after having baby #1.
Taking time for me is a constant struggle. This break is what will probably make me a better mom and wife. For some reason, I see it as taking time away from my child or the things I should be doing. Interesting that so many of us find time to take care of the needs of our children and others, but do not see the importance of taking care of ourselves.